Sunday, June 3
A Case for an Ass-Grinding Good Time
In a recent study by some institute with way too much time on its hands, 84% of women surveyed in a unique social experiment admitted that they have met guys in clubs and initiated conversation with them after an episode of ass-grinding. Now I will admit that I have done this "ass-grinding" ritual way too many times in my life. It is a great way to say "hi" to a woman in a very unique and direct way, but this method is not without its problems.
I can recall one occasion that this approach went downhill fast. After drinking way too many beers, downing shots of Jager and sipping Captain and cokes, I proceeded to walk over to the DJ to request some great ass-grinding tunes -- Songs like "Jump Jump " by Kriss Kross don't lend themselves very well to affectionate ass-grinding. I then drunkenly made my way over to the dance floor and immediately made my presence known by pumping my hands back and forth while rotating my hips like a blender on the Frappe setting. I can't really dance, but I've learned that pretending to be on fire is a good way to dance to any song. The plan was simple -- to find a nice central area on the dance floor and wait patiently for a hot chick to back into me.
Well, in this particular circumstance, my patience was quickly rewarded -- I felt someone's ass against mind and immediately went into my gyroscoping grind mode. Unfortunately, I was too drunk to be bothered in finding out with whom I was grinding. After about a minute of ass-grinding when I felt the denim in my jeans ready to catch fire, I turned to see what hot chick I had snatched this particular time. To my extreme horror, it was then that I realized I had been grinding a GUY'S ass. Without haste, I ran off the dance floor and to the nearest brick wall and rubbed my ass against it to get rid of that guy's leftover ass-grinding particles. What can I say, drunk logic is a special and unique type of logic.
However, most of the time I scope out the girl before I begin the ritualistic drunken ass-grinding ceremony. Generally, it is hit or miss. I've had girls rub their ass so hard into mine that the force literally threw me into the breasts of the girl in front of me, which is never a good way to say, "hi." On the other extreme, I have witnessed girls running frantically away at the slightest touch of my ass. Hey, their loss. I'm a professional ass-grinding champion.
Another institute did another study that showed women are more likely to dance with a guy if the guy touches her arm before asking her to dance. That is actually rather interesting, because I always suspected tactile communication helped in setting up a "baseline" of sorts for maintaining an adequate comfort-level. They did not specify what kind of "touch" was used in the study. Probably just a gentle 3-5 second grasp of their lower arm while smiling at her. In the study, when the guy used a touch, he got 65% of the girls to dance with him compared to only 43% that were not touched. I wonder what percentage he would have convinced had he merely grabbed her ass with an authoritative squeeze and said, "you and me, dance, now."
I can recall one occasion that this approach went downhill fast. After drinking way too many beers, downing shots of Jager and sipping Captain and cokes, I proceeded to walk over to the DJ to request some great ass-grinding tunes -- Songs like "Jump Jump " by Kriss Kross don't lend themselves very well to affectionate ass-grinding. I then drunkenly made my way over to the dance floor and immediately made my presence known by pumping my hands back and forth while rotating my hips like a blender on the Frappe setting. I can't really dance, but I've learned that pretending to be on fire is a good way to dance to any song. The plan was simple -- to find a nice central area on the dance floor and wait patiently for a hot chick to back into me.
Well, in this particular circumstance, my patience was quickly rewarded -- I felt someone's ass against mind and immediately went into my gyroscoping grind mode. Unfortunately, I was too drunk to be bothered in finding out with whom I was grinding. After about a minute of ass-grinding when I felt the denim in my jeans ready to catch fire, I turned to see what hot chick I had snatched this particular time. To my extreme horror, it was then that I realized I had been grinding a GUY'S ass. Without haste, I ran off the dance floor and to the nearest brick wall and rubbed my ass against it to get rid of that guy's leftover ass-grinding particles. What can I say, drunk logic is a special and unique type of logic.
However, most of the time I scope out the girl before I begin the ritualistic drunken ass-grinding ceremony. Generally, it is hit or miss. I've had girls rub their ass so hard into mine that the force literally threw me into the breasts of the girl in front of me, which is never a good way to say, "hi." On the other extreme, I have witnessed girls running frantically away at the slightest touch of my ass. Hey, their loss. I'm a professional ass-grinding champion.
Another institute did another study that showed women are more likely to dance with a guy if the guy touches her arm before asking her to dance. That is actually rather interesting, because I always suspected tactile communication helped in setting up a "baseline" of sorts for maintaining an adequate comfort-level. They did not specify what kind of "touch" was used in the study. Probably just a gentle 3-5 second grasp of their lower arm while smiling at her. In the study, when the guy used a touch, he got 65% of the girls to dance with him compared to only 43% that were not touched. I wonder what percentage he would have convinced had he merely grabbed her ass with an authoritative squeeze and said, "you and me, dance, now."
Friday, June 1
Colorado Here I Come!
White Water Rafting Level V Baby! Oh shit. Thank god my life insurance got pushed up a lot!
THE ROYAL GORGE
Aaron what have you gotten me into now! :)
Rafting on Friday and ATV's through the mountains on Saturday at 10,000 FEET? This isn't a Bachelor party or a vacation -- this is HARD ASS WORK!
Oh boy ... Colorado get ready for Kramer!
THE ROYAL GORGE
Aaron what have you gotten me into now! :)
Rafting on Friday and ATV's through the mountains on Saturday at 10,000 FEET? This isn't a Bachelor party or a vacation -- this is HARD ASS WORK!
Oh boy ... Colorado get ready for Kramer!
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