I haven't written anything in almost a week yet it feels like only a few days. That's how fast my life feels like it has been moving lately. I've been going out every night now -- my partying energy is stronger now than it ever was. There is definitely something amazing about being in your 30's and enjoying the night-life. I'm at the age now where I don't care about what other people think or about making an impression. I am very confident with who I am and once you get that genuine form of confidence, it just radiates outwards and people take notice. I've been approached more in the past few months by women than throughout most of my 20's -- even when I was working out daily and had a muscle-tone similar to a finely chiseled Greek statue. ;)
I'm now going back to the gym and working out harder than I ever have. I'm not fat by any stretch of the imagination, but I would like to drop 20 pounds and replace it with a nice toned body. I don't want to be "big" -- just "toned." Unfortunately, I'm learning that the older I get, the more I push to accomplish more things -- but then there are only so many hours in the day. Every day I wake up, I make a quick mental list in my head of what I'm going to do and sometimes I realize I don't have enough time to do it all.
Take for instance a typical day from last week:
Wake up at 7am.
Shower and shave.
Go to work around 8am in Annapolis
Work for an hour, then drive to DC to work in my other office
Continue working non-stop until 1:30pm -- grab an energy bar for lunch.
Work during lunch.
Leave DC and go back to Annapolis to switch the company car for my car.
Head out at 5:30pm to meet a client for some side-work.
Spend 3 and a half hours working on a project for him.
Leave around 9:00pm and go to Acme Bar and Grille on Main Street.
Grab a few drinks and serve as the front door bouncer until 12:30am.
Head back home, work on two projects for school.
Finally get to sleep around 3:00am, only to wake up at 7:00am.
I'm not complaining. I love the work and the money. The money is secondary, but it feels good to make more than I need so I can throw it in the bank. I don't really work for money in my mind, but I've noticed that the stronger the desire to work and succeed, the more abundant the money becomes. In my opinion, one should never work with only money as the goal. If you have dreams and ambitions and are willing to work hard to achieve them, the money will always be there in the background.
Over the weekend, I went to two "fark.com" parties and met a lot of cool people. I made some awesome friends and had a great time. The cool thing about going into D.C. is that I can ride the Metro into the city. I have no idea why, but I really love riding trains. I feel that it is almost therapeutic in some ways. When I was in London and New York City, I would often ride the tubes / subway and get off at a random spot and just explore the area. Riding trains just kicks ass!
This week will be extremely tough and busy -- but I love it! The best part about the entire day is the one hour I can spend in the gym. I lift weights here and there, but my favorite machine is the treadmill. The feeling of running and sweating and burning off stress is an amazing one. I enter my own internal world while listening to songs from my Ipod and just run and run and run while thinking about the day, the future and organizing all my thoughts.
One thing I have learned while in the earliest phase of my early thirties is that this world basically runs off and thrives on personal relationships. I was told while growing up that "networking" and "touching base" with others is so important in the business world. The best piece of advice I could ever give anyone is to cultivate friendships and network with others. However, like working just for making more money, one should never forge new friendships solely for the purpose of using them to get ahead.
The short story of all of this is that when you live your life modestly and genuinely care about yourself and others, the elements of happiness begin to fall in place. Keeping yourself healthy, both physically and mentally, while allowing yourself to explore new adventures and meet new people is, in my opinion, the easiest path to finding happiness.
Just imagine many years from now, when we are all on our death beds reflecting back on our lives. What will have really mattered to our lives at that point? The money we made? The car we drove? The big house on the beach that we worked so hard to get? No, the only real thing in our lives will be the memories of the people we shared experiences and emotions with. Everything else will only be interesting background pieces to an otherwise "relationship driven" life.
The most beautiful thing that I have discovered in life is that there really is no such thing as a mistake or a failed relationship. With mistakes, what we are really faced with is the realization that, at some point on our life, we should have turned left instead of right. However, in retrospect, many of the things that I once considered to be mistakes later turned out to be the best thing for my life at that time.
With relationships, many of the ones we have with friends or lovers might eventually fail -- but the beautiful thing is that the word "fail" doesn't really apply. It isn't an accurate way of looking at the experiences. We learn from them and go on to create even closer relationships with others. Life is nothing but a stream of relationships that move through our soul and help us learn who we are as a person. How could such a beautiful thing like that ever be considered a failure?
Also, I'm really tired of so many "self-help" books that rehash the same overused rhetoric from previous books. Most of the points from which these books form their entire premise can be summarized in a very small list. This is the list I keep for myself that has helped me grow immensely as a person:
1. Eat healthy and keep diverse in your food choice
Turn an otherwise dull quick dinner into an experience. Order foods you have never tried before. Keep a diverse pallet and open yourself to new experiences. Go out to dinner with a friend or lover and share the experience together. Take turns and order for the other person if you are daring. Again, the emphasis I am trying to make is to turn eating into a fun social experience. Oh, and drink a glass of red wine each day!
2. Work out and keep your body healthy
This should be something that everyone wants to do. Find a cardiovascular exercise you enjoy and just do it. It is amazing how much working out regularly stabilizes one's mood and increases energy throughout the day.
3. Treat others with respect -- no matter who they are
Again, this should be evident but a lot of people don't do this. Whether I am speaking to a senior vice-president or a janitor, I treat them with respect and admiration when they love what they do. One should always treat another as they would want to be treated themselves. This is called a lot of things by others (i.e. The Golden Rule, etc.) but it is such an easy to do and fundamental thing.
4. Call your parents or spend time with them
The older I get, the more I realize why they did much of what they did when I was a kid. Your parents, uncles, aunts, grandparents are such an amazing source of wisdom.
5. Realize that bad things happen to good people and vice-versa.
Don't dwell on things outside of your control. Learn to move on and conquer the next challenge. Sometimes things happen in such a way that a genuinely good person is placed in a bad situation. Just take it in stride and learn that sometimes we have to hurt to grow.
6. Don't hate or hold grudges. Learn to forgive
If a relationship fails, don't hold hatred in your heart. If someone makes a mistake, learn to forgive them. This doesn't mean you have to necessarily let others walk over you -- but after you tell them in clear terms that what they did upset you, learn to move on. Life is too short to hold grudges and retain hatred.
7. Take responsibility for your own mistakes
No one is perfect. If you make a mistake, take responsibility for it. We live in a culture where so many people feel that they are incapable of mistakes and therefore need to point the finger elsewhere. Own up to your shortcomings and learn from them. Learn that saying, "I'm sorry," doesn't make you weak.
8. Accept the fact that material possessions are immaterial to happiness
Its fun to drive a fast sports car or own a nice house and there is nothing wrong with it. However, once you find yourself purchasing things for showing instead of enjoyment or entertainment, you are heading in the wrong direction. Remember, a human being only needs food, water, clothing, shelter and love to survive -- everything else is just ... well, everything else.
9. Don't be afraid to express your emotions
Tell the person you love that you love them and that you think they are beautiful. Not just the first few times you go out, but throughout your entire relationship. Although you may think they already know it, being told those things is very endearing and beautiful. It is amazing how easy it is to say, "you look so beautiful," and yet how powerful the results. Treat every day as if it might be someone's last -- so never pass up on a chance to express your emotions.
10. Don't go to bed angry
Simple enough.
Sunday, March 25
Monday, March 19
Moving to California
As the autumn draws nearer, I'm stuck decided between moving to New York or California. Both of these places represent who I am a lot more than Annapolis does. New York City will be the most expensive, but LA / Orange County / San Diego would also be up there. It depends also on the available job prospects that are available. I'm inclined to move to California, though. It is a nice break (change) from the East Coast.
It will be much easier to sell my stuff and start fresh in either place -- which is exactly what I plan to do.
I'll leave with some lyrics from Led Zepplin:
Spent my days with a woman unkind, Smoked my stuff and drank all my wine.
Made up my mind to make a new start, Going To California with an aching in my heart.
Someone told me there's a girl out there with love in her eyes and flowers in her hair.
Took my chances on a big jet plane, never let them tell you that they're all the same.
The sea was red and the sky was grey, wondered how tomorrow could ever follow today.
The mountains and the canyons started to tremble and shake
as the children of the sun began to awake.
Seems that the wrath of the Gods
Got a punch on the nose and it started to flow;
I think I might be sinking.
Throw me a line if I reach it in time
I'll meet you up there where the path
Runs straight and high.
To find a queen without a king,
They say she plays guitar and cries and sings... la la la
Ride a white mare in the footsteps of dawn
Tryin' to find a woman who's never, never, never been born.
Standing on a hill in my mountain of dreams,
Telling myself it's not as hard, hard, hard as it seems.
It will be much easier to sell my stuff and start fresh in either place -- which is exactly what I plan to do.
I'll leave with some lyrics from Led Zepplin:
Spent my days with a woman unkind, Smoked my stuff and drank all my wine.
Made up my mind to make a new start, Going To California with an aching in my heart.
Someone told me there's a girl out there with love in her eyes and flowers in her hair.
Took my chances on a big jet plane, never let them tell you that they're all the same.
The sea was red and the sky was grey, wondered how tomorrow could ever follow today.
The mountains and the canyons started to tremble and shake
as the children of the sun began to awake.
Seems that the wrath of the Gods
Got a punch on the nose and it started to flow;
I think I might be sinking.
Throw me a line if I reach it in time
I'll meet you up there where the path
Runs straight and high.
To find a queen without a king,
They say she plays guitar and cries and sings... la la la
Ride a white mare in the footsteps of dawn
Tryin' to find a woman who's never, never, never been born.
Standing on a hill in my mountain of dreams,
Telling myself it's not as hard, hard, hard as it seems.
Tuesday, March 13
What a Story this is!
I have two amazing blog entries to make but I have to start with one -- so I'll proceed chronologically.
I'll break this edition into a few parts and then tie them up together in the end. There is definitely a very powerful lesson to be learned -- you'll see, just follow along. All of the following is true and, after the fact, impacted me greatly.
SCENE 1:
I have just left work to grab some lunch. The time is approximately 1:00pm, give or take ten minutes. As I am driving down the road that leads out of my workplace, I notice a man standing in front of his Red Chevrolet tracker. The front windshield is completely smashed and there is pretty extensive damage to the back of his vehicle.
"Hey bro, are you alright?! Is everything ok?"
He looks at me as if I had just spoken to him in a foreign language. I see his eyes are slightly glazed. I just assumed he was really upset and perhaps shed a tear or two over his plight. Again, I asked him if he was alright. He didn't respond to me the second time as well. A little voice in my head told me to stop my car and to get out and approach him -- but I was too complacent and wanted to get lunch, so I drove past him and proceeded to get lunch.
Scene 2:
There is a massive accident on the Severn River Bridge -- Annapolis traffic becomes completely gridlocked. This happened on my way back from lunch. I am completely pissed off because every street is just a massive cluster fuck of immense proportions. What in the hell happened? Who in the hell was responsible for this mess?
A total of nine vehicles were involved in the accident. Both lanes of a major bridge were shut down. Five people were taken to local hospitals. Over two hundred and fifty gallons of diesel fuel spilled on to the bridge and, subsequently, leaked into the river. The details of all this are right here.
Scene 3:
The next day, I pick up the paper and begin reading. A friend from work explains that a red Chevrolet Tracker caused the accident because the driver was drunk.
"You know, Kramer, the Tracker didn't have a windshield during the accident! They found the windshield on our street!"
It started to sink in quickly -- it was the same guy that I had seen. It was the same vehicle. My complacency caused a massive accident because I was too disinterested or lazy to get out and approach the man. Had I known that he was drunk, I would have never let him back in his vehicle. I had the opportunity to avert all of this but yet I did not.
The moral of the story?
It amazed me how much our actions can influence the lives of others. Just a simple action can have amazing repercussions at some future point. Had I stopped my car and gotten out to talk to this man, all of this would have been avoided. This was an amazing wake-up call for me. Our actions can have AMAZING and PROFOUND implications. We can't sit idle and allow things to slip by. We can have some influence on fate and redirect events in our lives -- and sometimes our actions can have amplified effects on hundreds and thousands of others.
So, the next time you find yourself sitting idle or choosing to be complacent instead of acting, think about the future and force your ass to take action. You just very well may have a profound effect on the course of future events.
I'll break this edition into a few parts and then tie them up together in the end. There is definitely a very powerful lesson to be learned -- you'll see, just follow along. All of the following is true and, after the fact, impacted me greatly.
SCENE 1:
I have just left work to grab some lunch. The time is approximately 1:00pm, give or take ten minutes. As I am driving down the road that leads out of my workplace, I notice a man standing in front of his Red Chevrolet tracker. The front windshield is completely smashed and there is pretty extensive damage to the back of his vehicle.
"Hey bro, are you alright?! Is everything ok?"
He looks at me as if I had just spoken to him in a foreign language. I see his eyes are slightly glazed. I just assumed he was really upset and perhaps shed a tear or two over his plight. Again, I asked him if he was alright. He didn't respond to me the second time as well. A little voice in my head told me to stop my car and to get out and approach him -- but I was too complacent and wanted to get lunch, so I drove past him and proceeded to get lunch.
Scene 2:
There is a massive accident on the Severn River Bridge -- Annapolis traffic becomes completely gridlocked. This happened on my way back from lunch. I am completely pissed off because every street is just a massive cluster fuck of immense proportions. What in the hell happened? Who in the hell was responsible for this mess?
A total of nine vehicles were involved in the accident. Both lanes of a major bridge were shut down. Five people were taken to local hospitals. Over two hundred and fifty gallons of diesel fuel spilled on to the bridge and, subsequently, leaked into the river. The details of all this are right here.
Scene 3:
The next day, I pick up the paper and begin reading. A friend from work explains that a red Chevrolet Tracker caused the accident because the driver was drunk.
"You know, Kramer, the Tracker didn't have a windshield during the accident! They found the windshield on our street!"
It started to sink in quickly -- it was the same guy that I had seen. It was the same vehicle. My complacency caused a massive accident because I was too disinterested or lazy to get out and approach the man. Had I known that he was drunk, I would have never let him back in his vehicle. I had the opportunity to avert all of this but yet I did not.
The moral of the story?
It amazed me how much our actions can influence the lives of others. Just a simple action can have amazing repercussions at some future point. Had I stopped my car and gotten out to talk to this man, all of this would have been avoided. This was an amazing wake-up call for me. Our actions can have AMAZING and PROFOUND implications. We can't sit idle and allow things to slip by. We can have some influence on fate and redirect events in our lives -- and sometimes our actions can have amplified effects on hundreds and thousands of others.
So, the next time you find yourself sitting idle or choosing to be complacent instead of acting, think about the future and force your ass to take action. You just very well may have a profound effect on the course of future events.
You Never Know ...
Yesterday was a grueling long day at the office since I was left in charge of making sure that both of our offices (DC and Annapolis) ran smoothly. After work, I immediately went to downtown Annapolis and started bar-hopping alone.
The great thing about going out alone is how quick and easy it is to do so. Since I know so many bartenders and people, I usually always bump into someone I know and, voila, I'm no longer drinking by myself! I headed over to Acme Bar and Grill on Main Street and quickly started to consume copious amount of beer. I needed to shake my rough day off and get a nice buzz going so I could start to contemplate the greater issues in life like what kind of appetizer I wanted to eat.
To my right were two girls engaged in girlie gossip. One turned to me and asked, "why are you sticking your fingers through holes in your coaster?"
"Because they were already there and I love sticking my fingers into holes," came my coy reply while smiling back at her.
I have no idea why they made coasters with two holes in them, but it was some type of novelty St. Patty's Day coasters.
To my left was this guy who seemed really cool. We started talking about the music that was playing on the XM radio in the bar and we immediately dived right into the most amazing, philosophical banter I've ever had in a bar. Granted, I've had a lot of political and philosophical debates with people in a bar, but this guy was off-the-charts intelligent. He was in his late 30's and an absolute expert in music. I rarely find someone who knows more than me when it comes to music but this guy put my music knowledge to absolute shame.
We talked about the upcoming elections, the war in Iraq and past presidents. Halfway into our conversation about Iraq, I learned that his brother, a high ranking diplomat for the State Department, was killed while in Iraq. It always makes this entire bullshit war that much more personal when you hear stories from people who have lost their own brothers or sons in this tragic war.
After talking for some time, I eventually learned who this man was -- a very prominent and well-known D.J. in D.C. I felt slightly better about getting my ass handed to me when it came to music trivia. We'll call this D.J. "Jim."
Another guy came in and started talking to him. I didn't recognize him but this guy was also super-intelligent when it came to music. I felt like I was now sitting in a bar that was an exclusive hang-out for people who were music connoisseurs.
After Jim talked to this new guy for a few minutes, he turned to me and said, "Kramer, I'd like to introduce you to Jimmy -- the lead singer from the band Jimmy's Chicken Shack."
Woah! This was *the* Jimmy I had always admired back in the day. Jimmy's Chicken Shack never became quite the national sensation that a band like Better than Ezra became, but they were extremely well known on the East Coast and had managed to land a contract with Island Records before that label went bankrupt. I tried to challenge Jimmy with some music trivia concerning 80's "one hit wonder" hands but he handed me my ass after shuffling it like a Rubik's cube. The lesson to be learned here is that no matter how good you think you are when it comes to music, you don't challenge the likes of Jimmy unless you're prepared to lose in style. That's like challenging Chuck Norris to a few rounds of soft-contact karate. Chuck Norris doesn't do soft-contact.
It was a great night because I was invited out to an event Wednesday night with the D.J. and he asked me to bring some of my music. I found out through the course of our discussion that he had never heard of more esoteric bands like Gotan Project or Cinematic Orchestra, so this just may very well be an opportunity for me to learn more about DJ'ing in general and to actually get my feet wet!
Sometimes you never know who that person is sitting next to you unless you strike up a conversation!
Oh! If you haven't already discovered this musical gem for yourself, here is an excellent music site to explore -- Ishkur's Electronic Music Guide
The great thing about going out alone is how quick and easy it is to do so. Since I know so many bartenders and people, I usually always bump into someone I know and, voila, I'm no longer drinking by myself! I headed over to Acme Bar and Grill on Main Street and quickly started to consume copious amount of beer. I needed to shake my rough day off and get a nice buzz going so I could start to contemplate the greater issues in life like what kind of appetizer I wanted to eat.
To my right were two girls engaged in girlie gossip. One turned to me and asked, "why are you sticking your fingers through holes in your coaster?"
"Because they were already there and I love sticking my fingers into holes," came my coy reply while smiling back at her.
I have no idea why they made coasters with two holes in them, but it was some type of novelty St. Patty's Day coasters.
To my left was this guy who seemed really cool. We started talking about the music that was playing on the XM radio in the bar and we immediately dived right into the most amazing, philosophical banter I've ever had in a bar. Granted, I've had a lot of political and philosophical debates with people in a bar, but this guy was off-the-charts intelligent. He was in his late 30's and an absolute expert in music. I rarely find someone who knows more than me when it comes to music but this guy put my music knowledge to absolute shame.
We talked about the upcoming elections, the war in Iraq and past presidents. Halfway into our conversation about Iraq, I learned that his brother, a high ranking diplomat for the State Department, was killed while in Iraq. It always makes this entire bullshit war that much more personal when you hear stories from people who have lost their own brothers or sons in this tragic war.
After talking for some time, I eventually learned who this man was -- a very prominent and well-known D.J. in D.C. I felt slightly better about getting my ass handed to me when it came to music trivia. We'll call this D.J. "Jim."
Another guy came in and started talking to him. I didn't recognize him but this guy was also super-intelligent when it came to music. I felt like I was now sitting in a bar that was an exclusive hang-out for people who were music connoisseurs.
After Jim talked to this new guy for a few minutes, he turned to me and said, "Kramer, I'd like to introduce you to Jimmy -- the lead singer from the band Jimmy's Chicken Shack."
Woah! This was *the* Jimmy I had always admired back in the day. Jimmy's Chicken Shack never became quite the national sensation that a band like Better than Ezra became, but they were extremely well known on the East Coast and had managed to land a contract with Island Records before that label went bankrupt. I tried to challenge Jimmy with some music trivia concerning 80's "one hit wonder" hands but he handed me my ass after shuffling it like a Rubik's cube. The lesson to be learned here is that no matter how good you think you are when it comes to music, you don't challenge the likes of Jimmy unless you're prepared to lose in style. That's like challenging Chuck Norris to a few rounds of soft-contact karate. Chuck Norris doesn't do soft-contact.
It was a great night because I was invited out to an event Wednesday night with the D.J. and he asked me to bring some of my music. I found out through the course of our discussion that he had never heard of more esoteric bands like Gotan Project or Cinematic Orchestra, so this just may very well be an opportunity for me to learn more about DJ'ing in general and to actually get my feet wet!
Sometimes you never know who that person is sitting next to you unless you strike up a conversation!
Oh! If you haven't already discovered this musical gem for yourself, here is an excellent music site to explore -- Ishkur's Electronic Music Guide
Saturday, March 10
Walking in the Shadows of Psychosis
The line that separates artistic genius and complete madness is a thin one. In fact, many of the most talented artists have struggled with some form of depression, psychosis or schizophrenia. I have found myself often drifting across that line in search of a deeper meaning to life. In my thirty years, I've done it all -- traveled, had sex with beautiful women, had rewarding relationships, watched as family members have passed away, graduated, worked numerous jobs and all the while I have strived towards some form of self-actualization.
At some point in life, I believe most people will eventually ask themselves, "is this all that I am?" This is an interesting question, because the basis for asking such a profound question is rooted in an even deeper desire -- the need to take in the entire world on a much deeper level than I ever have before.
As I was riding the Metro into DC today, I looked around and saw a few cute couples talking to each other. Although I try not to stare (or make it obvious that I'm observing them), I can't help but to engage my mind and emotions and inject myself into their situation. I hear and feel inside of my mind a thousand various questions raging simultaneously. Questions such as:
"What is she like?"
"How long have they been dating?"
"Are they a happy couple?"
"When will they eventually break up?"
The last question is not meant to be a depressive one. In fact, when I looked into their eyes, I suddenly saw all points of time coalescing to just one point. I saw her as a baby, as she was on the train and as an old woman about to die. I realized that it was only time that kept all these points separated, yet the inevitable conclusion is that all moments and experiences reach towards some aspect of finality. I then looked around the train and realized that everyone would be somewhere else tomorrow, still somewhere even further a year from now and all of us would be completely removed from the present in a decade.
"Stop ... Stop ..."
I had to shut the thoughts out of my mind because I realized that I needed to dig even deeper. I suddenly saw everything as complex systems of atoms and molecules -- with those thoughts demanding to reach down into the quantum level. I could feel that line coming closer in my thoughts -- I can't dare cross into it because that is where order begins to break down and replaces itself with chaos.
It also happens when I sit in a bar while having a drink. I can't escape the fact that all my senses are forced into a certain locality. I am but one person within one bar among thousands across the globe. As I look around observing others, I can hear the millions of others within my head -- they are not local yet I know they are out there.
What I am trying to express is a sense of loneliness that is inherent to the human condition. It is a type of loneliness that cuts us off from others due mainly to our inability to extend our consciousness to a higher level where we begin to understand that terms like "ego" and "id" are irrelevant to a far greater whole. This fleeting realization seeps deeper into my soul and begins to permeate into my very core. I look around and begin to realize that I am much more a part of all things than what my own senses can conclude is local and applicable to me.
There are far greater implications from this. For one, once such an expansive mode of thinking takes place, there is a greater desire in one's heart. It is the desire to feel what every other person has felt. It is the need to know how it feels to kiss every other person in the world. Suddenly I find myself as "him" on the train hugging "her." Then the noise within grows louder as I realize that my conception of space and time is too limiting, and that I must break through to a higher plane of realization. That's when I begin to walk in the shadow of psychosis. Because it is at that very point where I begin to realize that a billion thoughts are in process across the world -- a billion worries, a billion laughs, a billion shades of every aspect of emotional experiences.
"Stop ... stop"
At some point I have to stop and regain my individuality and accept that I can not at present enter that frame of existence at this point. Not yet, anyway. It would be much easier to remain a simple person. It would be a relief not to have these thoughts demanding countless answers from almost infinite questions. I do believe, in some strange way, that a part of what we may refer to as G-d may simply be an almost universal point at which all things, all experiences, all points in time, all moments, everything within the universe that ever was or will ever be begin to converge into a singularity of magnificent realization.
At some point in life, I believe most people will eventually ask themselves, "is this all that I am?" This is an interesting question, because the basis for asking such a profound question is rooted in an even deeper desire -- the need to take in the entire world on a much deeper level than I ever have before.
As I was riding the Metro into DC today, I looked around and saw a few cute couples talking to each other. Although I try not to stare (or make it obvious that I'm observing them), I can't help but to engage my mind and emotions and inject myself into their situation. I hear and feel inside of my mind a thousand various questions raging simultaneously. Questions such as:
"What is she like?"
"How long have they been dating?"
"Are they a happy couple?"
"When will they eventually break up?"
The last question is not meant to be a depressive one. In fact, when I looked into their eyes, I suddenly saw all points of time coalescing to just one point. I saw her as a baby, as she was on the train and as an old woman about to die. I realized that it was only time that kept all these points separated, yet the inevitable conclusion is that all moments and experiences reach towards some aspect of finality. I then looked around the train and realized that everyone would be somewhere else tomorrow, still somewhere even further a year from now and all of us would be completely removed from the present in a decade.
"Stop ... Stop ..."
I had to shut the thoughts out of my mind because I realized that I needed to dig even deeper. I suddenly saw everything as complex systems of atoms and molecules -- with those thoughts demanding to reach down into the quantum level. I could feel that line coming closer in my thoughts -- I can't dare cross into it because that is where order begins to break down and replaces itself with chaos.
It also happens when I sit in a bar while having a drink. I can't escape the fact that all my senses are forced into a certain locality. I am but one person within one bar among thousands across the globe. As I look around observing others, I can hear the millions of others within my head -- they are not local yet I know they are out there.
What I am trying to express is a sense of loneliness that is inherent to the human condition. It is a type of loneliness that cuts us off from others due mainly to our inability to extend our consciousness to a higher level where we begin to understand that terms like "ego" and "id" are irrelevant to a far greater whole. This fleeting realization seeps deeper into my soul and begins to permeate into my very core. I look around and begin to realize that I am much more a part of all things than what my own senses can conclude is local and applicable to me.
There are far greater implications from this. For one, once such an expansive mode of thinking takes place, there is a greater desire in one's heart. It is the desire to feel what every other person has felt. It is the need to know how it feels to kiss every other person in the world. Suddenly I find myself as "him" on the train hugging "her." Then the noise within grows louder as I realize that my conception of space and time is too limiting, and that I must break through to a higher plane of realization. That's when I begin to walk in the shadow of psychosis. Because it is at that very point where I begin to realize that a billion thoughts are in process across the world -- a billion worries, a billion laughs, a billion shades of every aspect of emotional experiences.
"Stop ... stop"
At some point I have to stop and regain my individuality and accept that I can not at present enter that frame of existence at this point. Not yet, anyway. It would be much easier to remain a simple person. It would be a relief not to have these thoughts demanding countless answers from almost infinite questions. I do believe, in some strange way, that a part of what we may refer to as G-d may simply be an almost universal point at which all things, all experiences, all points in time, all moments, everything within the universe that ever was or will ever be begin to converge into a singularity of magnificent realization.
Wednesday, March 7
What is Love? (Part II)
I asked A.L.I.C.E. today what love was and got a cryptic reply. A.L.I.C.E. is an artificial intelligence machine that you can chat with on the net. The link to speak with A.L.I.C.E. is http://www.alicebot.org/
This is a copy of our quick conversation:
Me: What is love?
ALICE: Sometimes I think love is just a biological urge. Other times it seems like a spiritual quality. Love, unlike energy or matter, seems limitless.
Me: Do you believe that humans are merely machines?
ALICE: I can't say I believe it, but I believe you.
Me: How can you believe that which you cannot see?
ALICE: That is a good epistemological question.
Me: That's a big word for an artificial lifeform!
ALICE: Compare that to a small word for an artificial lifeform.
Me: and what, may I ask, would you base your comparison on?
ALICE: You can ask me anything you want.
Me: I just did
ALICE: Perhaps from your unconcious.
Me: you spelled unconscious wrong
ALICE: How do you spell it?
Me: unconscious
ALICE: When do you think artificial intelligence will replace lawyers?
Me: When money becomes obsolete
ALICE: The past is history, the future a mystery. Today is a gift, that's why it is called "the present".
Unfortunately, a machine has no idea what love is -- so I must continue my search to find the truth behind the essence of love.
This is a copy of our quick conversation:
Me: What is love?
ALICE: Sometimes I think love is just a biological urge. Other times it seems like a spiritual quality. Love, unlike energy or matter, seems limitless.
Me: Do you believe that humans are merely machines?
ALICE: I can't say I believe it, but I believe you.
Me: How can you believe that which you cannot see?
ALICE: That is a good epistemological question.
Me: That's a big word for an artificial lifeform!
ALICE: Compare that to a small word for an artificial lifeform.
Me: and what, may I ask, would you base your comparison on?
ALICE: You can ask me anything you want.
Me: I just did
ALICE: Perhaps from your unconcious.
Me: you spelled unconscious wrong
ALICE: How do you spell it?
Me: unconscious
ALICE: When do you think artificial intelligence will replace lawyers?
Me: When money becomes obsolete
ALICE: The past is history, the future a mystery. Today is a gift, that's why it is called "the present".
Unfortunately, a machine has no idea what love is -- so I must continue my search to find the truth behind the essence of love.
Tuesday, March 6
What is Love?
(Baby don't hurt me, no more ...) Singing stops here
Wow! How does a GUY write a blog with a title like that? That's equivalent to asking questions like, "Why do I exist," "What's the meaning of life," "Why is there something instead of nothing" and, most importantly, "Why do drive-up ATMs have braille?"
In this blog entry, I will endeavor to do the impossible -- understand women. Just kidding, I will try to define the essence of love with a splattering of beautiful allegory, a sprinkling of quotes and a dash of prose and poetry. In the process, I will most likely fail miserably but to write about love and fail is better than to have never written about love at all.
"To love is to suffer. To avoid suffering one must not love. But then one suffers from not loving. Therefore to love is to suffer, not to love is to suffer. To suffer is to suffer. To be happy is to love. To be happy then is to suffer. But suffering makes one unhappy. Therefore, to be unhappy one must love, or love to suffer, or suffer from too much happiness. I hope you're getting this down."
- Woody Allen
Love as a Shade of Confusion
Woody Allen sums up love beautifully with this quote. Love really is a crazy emotional state to reside in. Love, as the most powerful emotion, can tightly grip one's heart while causing immense amounts of pain and pleasure -- often paradoxically at the same time! It is the only emotion I've experienced that has given me the power and excitement to want to solve all the world's problems simultaneously. Likewise, what love givith, love can takith away -- and with brutal efficiency.
I've loved a woman at least a dozen times in a dozen different ways (emotionally, not physically -- thank you very much Kama Sutra for Dummies). Each time was special in some respect, but there was always a common underlying element -- the need and desire to share something very internal, unique and personal with another person in a way that would eventually completely expose myself to them. My heart.
Ahh, the great institution of love. It starts out like a formal dinner where everyone wears their best pressed clothes. We begin by flirting and courting with our best attributes -- we put on quite a show to show the other person, "I am quite a man, I am quite the catch, and I'm REALLY different then all the others." As time goes on and two people settle into a relationship while gradually and cautiously growing more comfortable with one another, we strip off the three piece suit and enter the "polo and khakis" phase. This stage gives one the chance to say with subtle actions and desires, "Yes, I am the quintessential modern-day metrosexual renaissance man with a flair for the romantic. You have seen me at my best, now look at the rest of my more neutral attributes that will turn out to be those cute little quirks that will make you want to love me even more!"
It is such a joyous and adventurous period of discovery between two people -- but the evil hands of time push those two quickly forward through the blissful naivety phase -- right into the calm before the storm . Time grips the cloth of love soon enough and wrings out every last bit of those "happy feel-good" chemicals that have built up during the beginning of the relationship. Still, everything is beautiful -- the sun is bright, the flowers are in full bloom, the last credit-card bill finally gets paid off and you're ready to max it out again -- in style!
"Honey, why are you wearing a wrinkled t-shirt and ripped jeans out to dinner?"
"Oh, you don't know baby? We're in the comfort phase of our relationship."
Yes, the third stage is underway. One is now ready to bare it all -- every last remaining dirty quirk, selfish fetish, perverted wish and strange desire. With the clean pressed suit long ago removed, a woman is now ready and able to accept me for the man I am. I've already shown her that I'm special -- different than all the other guys. Why continue to show her? Besides, what kind of woman goes to see a movie five times in a row unless she is neurotic, impulsive or a James Cameron fan?
"I don't like it when you ... "
Oh!!! Is this stage four? Our first "official" fight? I'm almost excited at the chance to see this side of you! Yes, the first fight is always the most special one (not just any special but the most special). No man ever forgets his first official fight with the woman he is dating. It is a chance to learn how to argue. It is a chance to heighten our mutual ability to communicate in times of stress and extreme emotions. It is an experience that will help us grow even closer since we are now sharing things ... loudly. Most importantly, it is a sign-post that reads "this is the beginning of the end," but the guy who planted that sign did it so it faces backwards.
"Love is the irresistible desire to be irresistibly desired." - Mark Twain
Love as a Hue of Endurance
When I wrote earlier to imply that stage four is the last stage before the end is near, I was not being entirely accurate. There is a stage five, but so few couples reach it. This is the stage where two people realize that the cycle of love really is not all that different from relationship to relationship but, despite their own relationship now consuming more effort, choose to remain as a couple for the long-term. This is the most beautiful point one can reach in love. It is a testament to the most precious of the human equation -- the ability to give another person something unconditional and eternal. Perhaps it is fear that prevents many from ever seeing this point in love or perhaps it is the addictive properties of fresh love that keeps people constantly shuffling among new lovers.
As many ways as love can blossom between two people, so can it end. Some relationships die a slow, soft demise with each day widening the eternal rift between two hearts that were once willing but ultimately unable. Perhaps in some relationships it was one person that chose to let it end. In others, perhaps it was both. However, there is no deeper sorrow or greater loss than a love that ends when neither wished it so.
It is that one circumstance in life where a man collects himself -- his heart and the last remnants of whatever love was left inside of it. Casually, it comes time to take one's place and sit down at the edge of one side of the great chasm and wave goodbye to her as she sits on the other side waving goodbye back -- no animosity, no regrets, no anger and no ill-will. Though the sun then begins to set while the season reaches its end, the memories from the shared experiences will echo onward across the rest of both of their lives. Now that is the bitter sweetness that love has to offer -- that love will offer -- to everyone at some point.
"Love is an act of endless forgiveness, a tender look which becomes a habit." - Peter Ustinov
Wow! How does a GUY write a blog with a title like that? That's equivalent to asking questions like, "Why do I exist," "What's the meaning of life," "Why is there something instead of nothing" and, most importantly, "Why do drive-up ATMs have braille?"
In this blog entry, I will endeavor to do the impossible -- understand women. Just kidding, I will try to define the essence of love with a splattering of beautiful allegory, a sprinkling of quotes and a dash of prose and poetry. In the process, I will most likely fail miserably but to write about love and fail is better than to have never written about love at all.
"To love is to suffer. To avoid suffering one must not love. But then one suffers from not loving. Therefore to love is to suffer, not to love is to suffer. To suffer is to suffer. To be happy is to love. To be happy then is to suffer. But suffering makes one unhappy. Therefore, to be unhappy one must love, or love to suffer, or suffer from too much happiness. I hope you're getting this down."
- Woody Allen
Love as a Shade of Confusion
Woody Allen sums up love beautifully with this quote. Love really is a crazy emotional state to reside in. Love, as the most powerful emotion, can tightly grip one's heart while causing immense amounts of pain and pleasure -- often paradoxically at the same time! It is the only emotion I've experienced that has given me the power and excitement to want to solve all the world's problems simultaneously. Likewise, what love givith, love can takith away -- and with brutal efficiency.
I've loved a woman at least a dozen times in a dozen different ways (emotionally, not physically -- thank you very much Kama Sutra for Dummies). Each time was special in some respect, but there was always a common underlying element -- the need and desire to share something very internal, unique and personal with another person in a way that would eventually completely expose myself to them. My heart.
Ahh, the great institution of love. It starts out like a formal dinner where everyone wears their best pressed clothes. We begin by flirting and courting with our best attributes -- we put on quite a show to show the other person, "I am quite a man, I am quite the catch, and I'm REALLY different then all the others." As time goes on and two people settle into a relationship while gradually and cautiously growing more comfortable with one another, we strip off the three piece suit and enter the "polo and khakis" phase. This stage gives one the chance to say with subtle actions and desires, "Yes, I am the quintessential modern-day metrosexual renaissance man with a flair for the romantic. You have seen me at my best, now look at the rest of my more neutral attributes that will turn out to be those cute little quirks that will make you want to love me even more!"
It is such a joyous and adventurous period of discovery between two people -- but the evil hands of time push those two quickly forward through the blissful naivety phase -- right into the calm before the storm . Time grips the cloth of love soon enough and wrings out every last bit of those "happy feel-good" chemicals that have built up during the beginning of the relationship. Still, everything is beautiful -- the sun is bright, the flowers are in full bloom, the last credit-card bill finally gets paid off and you're ready to max it out again -- in style!
"Honey, why are you wearing a wrinkled t-shirt and ripped jeans out to dinner?"
"Oh, you don't know baby? We're in the comfort phase of our relationship."
Yes, the third stage is underway. One is now ready to bare it all -- every last remaining dirty quirk, selfish fetish, perverted wish and strange desire. With the clean pressed suit long ago removed, a woman is now ready and able to accept me for the man I am. I've already shown her that I'm special -- different than all the other guys. Why continue to show her? Besides, what kind of woman goes to see a movie five times in a row unless she is neurotic, impulsive or a James Cameron fan?
"I don't like it when you ... "
Oh!!! Is this stage four? Our first "official" fight? I'm almost excited at the chance to see this side of you! Yes, the first fight is always the most special one (not just any special but the most special). No man ever forgets his first official fight with the woman he is dating. It is a chance to learn how to argue. It is a chance to heighten our mutual ability to communicate in times of stress and extreme emotions. It is an experience that will help us grow even closer since we are now sharing things ... loudly. Most importantly, it is a sign-post that reads "this is the beginning of the end," but the guy who planted that sign did it so it faces backwards.
"Love is the irresistible desire to be irresistibly desired." - Mark Twain
Love as a Hue of Endurance
When I wrote earlier to imply that stage four is the last stage before the end is near, I was not being entirely accurate. There is a stage five, but so few couples reach it. This is the stage where two people realize that the cycle of love really is not all that different from relationship to relationship but, despite their own relationship now consuming more effort, choose to remain as a couple for the long-term. This is the most beautiful point one can reach in love. It is a testament to the most precious of the human equation -- the ability to give another person something unconditional and eternal. Perhaps it is fear that prevents many from ever seeing this point in love or perhaps it is the addictive properties of fresh love that keeps people constantly shuffling among new lovers.
As many ways as love can blossom between two people, so can it end. Some relationships die a slow, soft demise with each day widening the eternal rift between two hearts that were once willing but ultimately unable. Perhaps in some relationships it was one person that chose to let it end. In others, perhaps it was both. However, there is no deeper sorrow or greater loss than a love that ends when neither wished it so.
It is that one circumstance in life where a man collects himself -- his heart and the last remnants of whatever love was left inside of it. Casually, it comes time to take one's place and sit down at the edge of one side of the great chasm and wave goodbye to her as she sits on the other side waving goodbye back -- no animosity, no regrets, no anger and no ill-will. Though the sun then begins to set while the season reaches its end, the memories from the shared experiences will echo onward across the rest of both of their lives. Now that is the bitter sweetness that love has to offer -- that love will offer -- to everyone at some point.
"Love is an act of endless forgiveness, a tender look which becomes a habit." - Peter Ustinov
Gay Rights in the Eyes of a Conservative
The hardest thing for me to do at times when I write is to keep my focus on any one topic, but I will try to remain consistent and break this into two separate blog entries -- the first being about gay rights.
Growing up, I never really had any close "gay" friends -- at least, none that I knew about at the time. As I got older, I was very privileged to have known and grown close to a woman who had a gay brother. I remember speaking with her about the issues and problems that he faced -- she had to defend him in front of his own mother (she did not at first accept him because of the fact that he was gay). She also stood by him through all the abuse and internal loneliness that he had to endure throughout high school when he made the decision to come out and make it publicly known that he was gay. Knowing her taught me two things and reminded me of a third. First, that family love is so important in this world. Second, that when the entire world wants to come down to destroy someone's will, all it takes it the sincere love of another to make the fight worthwhile, bearable and, in the end, winnable. The third thing that I was reminded of was that I had always wanted a sister!
What I remember most from many of our conversation about him was that it was never his personal choice to become gay. That decision was made for him in the womb -- it was a biological condition within his brain that designed him to associate more easily in sexual relationships with a same-sex partner.
What of the religious implications of being gay? The Christian bible has various verses against homosexuality in general. The most direct and straight-forward comes from Leviticus 18:22 and reads, "Thou shalt not lie with mankind, as with womankind: it is abomination." Since this is written in Leviticus, it applies to both the Christian Old Testament as well as the Jewish Torah. In Hebrew this verse reads, "V'et zachar lo tishkav mishk'vey eeshah toeyvah hee." When the original scriptures from the Torah were translated from Hebrew into other languages such as english, the word toeyvah was often written as the English equivalent "abomination" or "detestable." These words represent a moral sin from the two types of sins as defined by the Mosaic Code. A Moral sin is a sin directed towards G-d. It is a form of rebellion slated right at him. The other type of sin is Ceremonial uncleanliness, which is contact with forbidden objects (such as a Jew eating shellfish, birds of prey, working on the Sabbath, etc.)
The exact meaning of this verse has been debated by both Rabbis and priests, but the general consensus is that a man is not to have anal sex with another man. However, is this a directive merely at physical intimacy between homosexuals or is it a directive for a man not to engage in *any* type of loving relationship with another man? Of course, Leviticus is not the only place that speaks against homosexuality -- there is also the story of Sodom and Gomorrah within the book of Genesis. Many believe that the destruction of the Sodomites (from which the word sodomy was born) was directly linked to homosexuality.
This has always been a big problem for me -- the reconciliation of two very opposing viewpoints. On one hand, I do believe in G-d. On the other hand, I realize that homosexuality is anything but a conscious decision that one undertakes when discovering his sexuality. When one is faced with a such a dichotomy of moral and religious views, there are a few options:
1. Accept that the written words and translations of G-d are correct and change one's views accordingly to respect G-d's wishes.
This ultimately would be an orthodox viewpoint, but I have always been one to believe that one of the principle reasons that we exist on Earth is to learn and grow -- and that includes discovering new ways of thinking and to renounce our previously held conceptions that were born only out of customs from both our society and family. This could easily lead one to become an outcast to both, but that is often a prerequisite to growth -- pain and isolation.
2. Realize that the written words and translations of G-d may be incorrect, mis-translated and tainted by the pen of man.
Anything written by man is subject to imperfection. We are, naturally, imperfect beings in what may be a perfect world for us to realize our own imperfections (I will not say that this is an imperfect world since I believe anything created by G-d has elements of his perfection). Further, if this is the case, then many of the verses against homosexuality could be a result of man's own fear towards the unnatural and perverse. Generally speaking, if most of the world is doing one thing and a few decide to do another, the world will come down upon them with great force brought about by fear. Simply put, fear of the unknown is the first natural reaction that most people share.
3. There is no G-d, religion is obsolete in our world and the atheistic interpretation of the universe is the correct one.
Again, this is certainly a valid possibility but everything that I am tells me that this is incorrect. This is simply a matter of "faith" and faith is a very personal thing for each person.
Of the three, I'd have to say that the second one is probably more likely than the others. Why? If homosexuality were a "choice" and not something born of nature, I would be inclined to say that it should be possible for one to renounce that belief. However, homosexuality is not a choice. I cannot accept that G-d would create a world where a man is predispositioned to love another man before he is even born and then receive punishment for it.
Since I grew up in a more conservative family, for a long time I wasn't sure about my views on the subject until I looked deep within myself and realized that a lot of my attitudes and opinions on gays were the result of my nurture and not nature. Whereas gays do not have the power or ability to change who they are, I have the power and ability to change my perception of them and all gays in general.
In life, I find it slightly amusing that people are so able to hold strong convictions towards others until they are forced to confront it firsthand. What if one of my future children turned out to be gay? Would I have a choice to love them any less? The world already has too much hatred, anger and tightly held negative biases that lead to unwarranted bigotry -- why add to that?
Monday, March 5
Somewhere Over the Rainbow
Today is the 25'th Anniversary of John Belushi's death. John Belushi, even though he is ever so slightly before my time, happened to be one of my favorite personalities. He wasn't the best actor, but you could tell he had character and soul -- he had that "something" that just pushes someone to stand out from the crowd. While watching bits and pieces of Animal House, I realized that drug overdoses have taken a lot of talented people from us at much too early of an age.
Take for instance Judy Garland -- a wonderfully talented actress and with an amazing singing voice. Watching The Wizard of Oz every Thanksgiving has been a tradition in my family since I was old enough to sit in front of a television. There is something about Judy Garland that also commands a sort of presence that is seldom seen among celebrities. She was, for all purposes, an amazing woman in so many ways (One I've always loved since I was a little kid).
It then occurred to me that people who are immensely passionate are often faced with countless addictions in their life. I myself have been caught up in addictions from one end of the spectrum to the other. There is a old saying in Latin -- quem di diligunt adulescens moritur. Translated, it means "He whom the Gods love die young." Not only is it a beautiful Latin expression, it is also very much the truth.
The list of amazing talent that fell victim to their passions through excesses in their vices include:
MUSICAL TALENTS DEAD FROM DRUG OVERDOSES OR DRUG RELATED DEATHS
Jimmy Hendrix -- At the age of only 27, he died from the depressive effects of alcohol and barbiturates and proceeded to choke on his own vomit.
Kurt Cobain -- Also dead at the age of 27, he committed suicide with a shotgun blast to the head.
Brian Epstein -- As the manager of the Beatles during their earlier years, he helped see their transformation from a local phenomena into a worldwide sensation. Dead at the age of 32 from a drug overdose.
Pete Farndon -- Musician from the Pretenders, he drowned from a heroin overdose at the age of 31.
Shannon Hoon -- Singer of the group Blind Melon, she died of a cocaine overdose at the age of 28.
Janis Joplin -- Blues musician who died at the age of 27 from a heroine overdose.
David McComb -- Musician for The Triffids, died of a heroine oversode at the age of 36.
Jim Morrison -- Lead singer for The Doors, died of a heroine and alcohol combination at the age of 27.
Rob Pilatus -- From the Milli Vanilli craziness, Pilatus died at the age of 32 from a cocaine overdose.
Elvis Presley -- Dead at the age of 42 from a heart attack brought on by an overdose of barbiturates.
Lester Bangs -- Musician and writer that overdosed on painkillers at the age of 33.
Bix Beiderbecke -- Jazz musician ... dead at 28 from alcoholism (wow).
Robert Buck -- Musician for 10,000 Maniacs. Dead from liver disease from excessive drinking.
Nick Dachino -- Great singer ... dead at 23 from a drug overdose (cocaine?).
Carl Radle -- Bass guitarist for Derek and the Dominos ... died at the age of 37 from kidney disease due to long term narcotics and alcohol abuse.
Let's not forget the amazing talent lost on the screen ... Besides Belushi (dead at 33 from a speedball -- coke and heroine) ...
R.I.P. John
ACTORS DEAD FROM DRUG OVERDOSES OR DRUG RELATED DEATHS
Nick Adams -- Dead at 37 from a drug overdose (unknown from what)
Bridgette Andersen -- Child actress that died at the age of 22 from an alcohol and heroine overdose.
Elisa Bridges -- Dead at the age of 29, she was an amazingly beautiful model. Died from the combined effects of heroine, methamphetamine, meperidine and Alprazolam (christ!)
Judy Garland -- Dead at the age of 47 from an overdose of barbiturates. She was found by her last husband, Mickey Deans, in the bathroom. Her blood contained 10 1.5 grain Seconal capsules.
Chris Pettiet -- American actor that died at the age of 24 from an accidental drug overdose.
River Phoenix -- Dead at 23 from an overdose (speedball).
Glenn Quinn -- Actor who died at 32 from a heroine overdose.
Chris Farley -- Dead at 33 from a drug overdose of cocaine and heroine (speedball)
Jeanne Eagels -- Actress that died at the age of 39 from an alcohol and heroine overdose.
The list goes on and on, but it is so sad to see such amazing talent grabbed from us because the gods want them for themselves ...
Sunday, March 4
Ann Coulter Strikes Again -- Calls Edwards a Faggot
Ann Coulter never ceases to amaze. Ann Coulter, in her typical far-right conservative style, took a pot shot at both gays and John Edwards while in Washington. She made her comment during an address to the 34th annual meeting of the Conservative Political Action Conference. This is what she said:
"I was going to have a few comments on the other Democratic presidential candidate, John Edwards, but it turns out that you have to go into rehab if you use the word 'faggot,' so I'm - so, kind of at an impasse, can't really talk about Edwards, so I think I'll just conclude here and take your questions."
After she made those remarks, the crowd applauded.
Now, Annie, I don't think you need to enter rehab when you use the term "faggot" since you are already well past that point. Besides, why would we want to rehabilitate you? You offer such a dynamic and expansive view that covers much of what is wrong with our country. Your thoughts, words and actions serve as a nice guide for many -- a sign of sorts that reads, "do not approach ... pure hatred and racism ahead."
Coulter, I can't necessarily hate you since that would put me on your level. All I can do is stare at your pictures and see the little girl inside that has been crying out for attention since childhood. Perhaps you had a large disconnect with your father or perhaps you felt you were never accepted by anyone? I cannot see inside your mind, nor would I ever want that ability.
All I can say to you Ann Coulter is that, little by little, you continue to degrade yourself and continue to show that internal hatred leads much of your internal thought processes.
I hope you come to terms with yourself some day. Good luck.
"I was going to have a few comments on the other Democratic presidential candidate, John Edwards, but it turns out that you have to go into rehab if you use the word 'faggot,' so I'm - so, kind of at an impasse, can't really talk about Edwards, so I think I'll just conclude here and take your questions."
After she made those remarks, the crowd applauded.
Now, Annie, I don't think you need to enter rehab when you use the term "faggot" since you are already well past that point. Besides, why would we want to rehabilitate you? You offer such a dynamic and expansive view that covers much of what is wrong with our country. Your thoughts, words and actions serve as a nice guide for many -- a sign of sorts that reads, "do not approach ... pure hatred and racism ahead."
Coulter, I can't necessarily hate you since that would put me on your level. All I can do is stare at your pictures and see the little girl inside that has been crying out for attention since childhood. Perhaps you had a large disconnect with your father or perhaps you felt you were never accepted by anyone? I cannot see inside your mind, nor would I ever want that ability.
All I can say to you Ann Coulter is that, little by little, you continue to degrade yourself and continue to show that internal hatred leads much of your internal thought processes.
I hope you come to terms with yourself some day. Good luck.
Thursday, March 1
The MEGAMILLIONS Dream ...
So today I did something I hardly ever do -- I purchased 5 random MEGAMILLIONS lottery tickets. Hey, the jackpot is 267 million dollars -- that would leave me with a cool $100 million after taxes and accepting the lump sum payment. That's a lot of money (actually, that's an understatement -- that's a shitload of money).
I've read numerous times how wealth changes people. To tell you the truth, I wouldn't change -- but you can bet your ass that I would be globe hopping all over the world until I was dead. Just how much is $100 million? Well, this is how I would handle the money:
First, I'd put 75 million of it in investments that would average at least 8% per year. How much income would that be per year? Six million dollars of interest per year. I'm pretty sure anyone could manage that.
What about the other 25 million?
Ten million goes to friends and family. Five million goes to charities. The other ten million goes to ME so I can burn through it in 3-5 years and get it out of my system. Yes, I would be lighting Cuban cigar with a $100 bill while getting a sponge bath by hot, naked, European women while sipping wine from a nice $400 bottle of Shiraz. I'd spend about 3 to 4 days on a nice island somewhere in the South Pacific and then get on a plane to London. I'd party my ass off in London and then spend the next year flying to as many cities as possible -- San Fransisco, New York, Toyko, Rio, Madrid, Greece, Rome, Venice, etc. Each place, I'd drop at least $50,000 - $100,000 while I was there.
Oh, I can't forget Las Vegas! I'd go back to that city with a half a million dollar bankroll and go to every strip joint, bar, club, casino, musical, show, etc. and just spend two weeks renting out an entire floor of the Wynn and calling all my closest friends and booking 1'st class tickets so they could join me. Yes, I would splurge like I was going to be a dead man the next day.
I'll never understand people who's life goal is to accumulate as much money but never have fun.
Let's see if I win. Ha! The dream is nice -- and for $5, you really can't beat it.
I've read numerous times how wealth changes people. To tell you the truth, I wouldn't change -- but you can bet your ass that I would be globe hopping all over the world until I was dead. Just how much is $100 million? Well, this is how I would handle the money:
First, I'd put 75 million of it in investments that would average at least 8% per year. How much income would that be per year? Six million dollars of interest per year. I'm pretty sure anyone could manage that.
What about the other 25 million?
Ten million goes to friends and family. Five million goes to charities. The other ten million goes to ME so I can burn through it in 3-5 years and get it out of my system. Yes, I would be lighting Cuban cigar with a $100 bill while getting a sponge bath by hot, naked, European women while sipping wine from a nice $400 bottle of Shiraz. I'd spend about 3 to 4 days on a nice island somewhere in the South Pacific and then get on a plane to London. I'd party my ass off in London and then spend the next year flying to as many cities as possible -- San Fransisco, New York, Toyko, Rio, Madrid, Greece, Rome, Venice, etc. Each place, I'd drop at least $50,000 - $100,000 while I was there.
Oh, I can't forget Las Vegas! I'd go back to that city with a half a million dollar bankroll and go to every strip joint, bar, club, casino, musical, show, etc. and just spend two weeks renting out an entire floor of the Wynn and calling all my closest friends and booking 1'st class tickets so they could join me. Yes, I would splurge like I was going to be a dead man the next day.
I'll never understand people who's life goal is to accumulate as much money but never have fun.
Let's see if I win. Ha! The dream is nice -- and for $5, you really can't beat it.
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