Let's Talk about Sex

A lot of my blog entries as of late have been pretty conservative. I'm not accurately showing all of my true colors, though. Deep down inside, I want nothing more than to dye my hair, pick up a guitar, throw on a ripped leather jacket and tour the world as a rock-star.

With that out of the way, let's talk about SEX.

One thing they don't teach you in school during sex education is how to actually have good sex. There are piles of papers and books filled with chapters pointing to numerous studies on sexually transmitted diseases, the implications of alcohol abuse and date rapes, avoiding pregnancy, the proper use of various prophylactics, etc., but completely absent from all of my Jr. High sex ed classes were materials geared specifically on more pertinent issues such as making a woman's head explode by ravaging her inside and out with amazing, yoga inspired Buddhist love tricks.

If they can sponsor and fund advanced studies that find the effectiveness of birth control while a woman is inseminated upside down hanging from a rope on the ninth day of pre-ovulation and narrow their findings to the thousandth decimal point, why can't they unravel the mystery of why less than 30% of women can successfully reach orgasm through penile-vaginal intercourse?

I'll admit, the first time I found myself between a woman's legs, I went in on a wing and a prayer. It was dark, I was sixteen and my heart was beating out of my chest. I had previously done some stage work as a young teen. Walking out on the stage is always a rush because once the curtains open, you must empty your mind and become your character and just dive into the part.

And dive I did, but what I was really doing was biding my time -- a little light nibble with my lips on her inner thigh, a light little stroke with my tongue down her other one while a thousand thoughts went racing through my head raising the question of how I would approach the main act.

"Mrs. Simons, how do you eat a chick out?"

Yes, I had fantasized about asking that very question in class but it would have been too crude and left me wide open for ridicule from those in the class that were already experienced. It needed to be rephrased perhaps.

"Mrs. Simons, if I were to perform cunnilingus on a female's outer and inner labia while slowly making my way towards her clitorus, what would be the best method to venture into that great unknown?"

No, no, no -- I had to break out of my imagination and get ready to perform. I could feel her hands grabbing at the sheets. Her moans were becoming more exagerated and expressive. The curtains were coming apart and my moment on the main stage was quickly approaching.

I'm sure you have seen cartoons where an angel appears on one shoulder and the devil appears on the other, right? Well, in my circumstance I had Dr. Ruth on one shoulder and Adam Carolla on the other.

"You must move in slowly while applying light circular motions with your tongue while gently increasing the pressure as you move up. Treat her precious hoo-haa like an ice-cream cone on a hot summer day -- making sure that none of the ice-cream gets away!"

"No, fuck that! Ruthie baby shut up. Listen Aphex, just move in there like Caesar crossing the Rubicon ready to make Rome his bitch! Show her who the man is! Dominate her! Surprise the shit out of her by giving her a quick rim job around her ass! Suck and lick it like it's your last meal! Put the GOOD GOD back into the G of her G-spot! Tear it apart, dude!"

Oh dear, what to do ... (proceeds to flick Ruth off my shoulder)

In retrospect, I did a great job. In fact, she told me I was the best ever. That's quite a compliment coming from a virgin! I know what you're thinking though. "Oh Christ, here's yet another guy on the internet posting a blog about how great he is in bed. Like we've never heard this bullshit before."

You're absolutely right -- if I didn't know me, I would probably think the same thing, too. However, the fact is that I *am* that good. One of my favorite things to hear from a woman is, "I can't cum through sex." I love a challenge, and that's just begging to set up the ultimate dual -- the invincible and amazing love machine vs. Miss "I just can't orgasm with a penis in me" woman. It becomes a great cosmic puzzle akin to asking, "what would happen if you put an unstoppable super bomb inside an impenetrable box that is impervious to explosions?"

The simple answer is this: If the bomb were me, your box would explode.


To be continued in PART II ...

A Quickie (mmm...)

Alright, a quick run-down of classic rock songs that EVERYONE should listen to at least once in their life.

Rolling Stones
You Can't Always Get What You Want (The Extended Version)

Elton John
Rocket Man

Boston
Foreplay, Long Time

The Beatles
The Long and Winding Road

Norman Greenbaum
Spirit in the Sky

Jefferson Airplane
White Rabbit

Paul and Linda McCartney
Uncle Albert (Admiral Halsey)

Carpenters
For All We Know

Santana
Black Magic Woman

Chicago
Saturday in the Park

Creedence Clearwater Revival
Have You Ever Seen The Rain

Who
Won't Get Fooled Again

Argent
Hold Your Head Up

Jim Croce
Time in a Bottle

Stevie Wonder
You are the Sunshine of My Life

Subjective Morality

I had a rather interesting discussion with one of my best friends earlier today about the purpose of life. The conversation actually began a few days ago when he sent me an e-mail asking one very short yet difficult question:

If God didn't exist, do you think there'd be any purpose to getting out
of bed in the morning?

My first thought was to ponder if there could be any meaningful purpose within the universe without a supreme-being. Obviously, we all have short and long-term goals that we desperately aim to achieve throughout our lives. The question, however, takes on much more relevance once a more broader question is answered -- in a Godless universe, what ultimately is the point of existence except to merely exist for a short duration within the grand universal time-scale?

I'll take a step back for a moment and presume that this universe was not in any way designed but instead came about by some amazing fluke of nature (this is not what I believe). This being the case, we can now throw away objective morality because no such thing can exist in a Godless universe. As much as atheists believe that you can have morality outside of God, the simple fact is that you can not have true objective morality at all. In a game of survival, what benefits me (or you) is dependent solely upon those resources that surround us. If I were to steal from you and I knew that there would be no ramifications from doing so, it would be to my benefit to steal. An atheist might make the argument that evolution would, very slowly over time, instill a sense of subjective morality and community within individuals. This is an illusion because once the shit hit the fan, it would become a situation where every man (or woman) was for himself (or herself). It sounds cold, frightening and sinister, but that is exactly what a Godless universe would become without objective morality.

I do not consider myself to be religious. I fall somewhere between a deist and a monist. Anyway, what about the original question?

In life, we take those actions which we believe will bring us closer to what I consider to be the ultimate long-term goal -- self-actualization and genuine happiness. There are a lot of theories, proposals and self-help books that claim to be able to bring one to this stage of enlightenment. Unfortunately, it is generally not that simple. Throughout all of our secondary goals in life such as education, earning more income, finding a life companion, reconciling our own internal discrepancies, etc., the most common element that binds all humans is the need to find purpose (through self-actualization) and contentment (through genuine happiness).

I, along with the rest of the greatest philosophers in history, can not prove nor disprove God's existence. It is a matter that rests on the most fundamental principles of faith. Science has brought us far and has given the world many great things such as computers, medical advances and world-wide communication. However, science and all the technology that it has wrought still cannot show us the path to genuine happiness.

What I have learned, though, is that getting up in the morning gives me a chance to experience the world. With every experience, I am shown new ways of thinking. I am provided with a chance to meet others who may think much differently than I, but are still very intelligent and worthy of a good debate.

The question is interesting when compared metaphorically to a much longer time-scale. Getting out of bed may symbolize birth while going to sleep may represent death. Everything that we accomplish in that symbolic one day is a reflection of all the explorations we've embarked upon throughout our life.

In short, nobody gets out of bed simply so that they can eventually slip back into bed to fall asleep. We get out of bed because we know that each day will be slightly different or perhaps greatly different than days already past. We move ourselves with the hope that we will inch closer to solving the impossible. We realize logically that what we ultimately seek may have no clear answer, but the question as it exists within our hearts is filled with a type of beautiful romance.

The heart usually knows things well in advance of the mind. I have ignored my heart in the past only to eventually have my mind "catch up" with the intuition that was already present and correct well before I allowed myself to listen to the answer.

There are several questions that we will carry with us throughout life that have no answers.

Is there really a God?

Does true love really exist?

What is the essence of genuine happiness?

Why is there evil in the world?

To varying degrees, some people may find their own unique answers to the preceding questions. We love another with all our heart with the realization that we could be greatly hurt by them. One can not love another without accepting the risk. That is a part of what makes love so glamorous and adventurous. Without that risk, love would lose much of its luster and excitement.

When we love another, we also employ elements of faith. We realize that by loving another, we are giving a lot of ourselves to them. However, people grow and as they do, their needs and desires change. This is what I speak of when I mention "true love" -- a love invulnerable to that element of change.

Many people are fearful of placing elements of their life in the hands of faith. However, to not place at least some matters of our lives in faith would leave us in a purely logic dominated world where we react in an almost mechanical fashion to the situations and experiences that surround us. Simply put, one of the most quintessential qualities of humanity is rising above a world dominated by cause and effect and asserting free-will within our lives to make both our lives and the world at large a better place to live.

Love / God / Humanity / Experiences / Emotions / Romance / Adventure / Beauty

These are words that should stir the hearts of anyone and make them resolute in their determination to explore the world, both good and bad, and bring some meaning to their hearts from all the experiences and moments they share with others.

The City of Annapolis Sends Condolences to Virginia Tech

It is always a great feeling to see a community join together and give strength to those who are in desperate need of it.  That's exactly what Annapolis did tonight.  Hundreds gathered to pay their respects to those who lost their lives during the massacre on Monday.  A few Virginia Tech students told stories about what transpired on that unimaginable day.  Here are a few pictures from tonight's candlelight vigil.

The Story of a True Hero

Remembering a Hero Among Tragedy

The entire nation was gripped in sadness yesterday (April 16, 2007) when a man went on a shooting spree and killed 32 Virginia Tech students. However, from such chaos and evil arose a story of true heroism.

Liviu Librescu, 76, was a Holocaust survivor who was a professor at Virginia Tech. He held the door shut, giving time for his students to escape while the gunman pushed to get inside.

He was killed in the process -- a Jew who survived the Holocaust, only to be shot dead on the day of remembrance for Holocaust victims while saving others.

This is the true meaning of the word "mensch."

"Greater love hath no man than this, that a man lay down his life for his friends." - John 15:13

Never forget that G-d gave us all free-will to use as we desire.

A Window in a Dream

I don't know how far away I am from "home," only that such a place feels much further away from me than just distance in miles. What I speak of is something immeasurable that has slowly grown and spread within my own soul. I want so desperately to reach out and touch this place -- to travel to this place no matter how difficult and torturous the journey may become.

One thing that fills me with passion and excitement at night is looking into windows. I especially love peering into old windows of places long ago abandoned. The windows represent something very internal and romantic to my own plight in life. When I look at a window, my soul reaches further onward and visits a time and place where anything could have taken place. The window represents a portal to endless possibilities. While roaming the city late one night in a drunken stupor, I stopped and peered up at a very old building with a busted window. Rust had spread across the frame of the window like roots penetrating the depths of time into something long past. I stopped and just stood there, letting the window whisper tales of moments immortalized in the scriptures of time and space.

"Her name was Jeanette, she was seven years old when she stood on the other side of me. She would press her little hands against the window and just gaze out at the city. Her mother was all that she had when her father passed away shortly after she was born."

I sat down on the curb while deeply captivated by the window's continuing tale.

"She would press her hands against me every night while her short little breaths fogged my glass. The city lights filled her with excitement and dreams. She would look up at the stars and wish so deeply to visit other places far from here."

I looked up and saw the stars, too. There were hundreds at first but hundreds became thousands as my eyes adapted to the darkness.

"Her mother and little brother were her only family. In the early 1920's, cars were still considered a luxury that only the rich could afford. One night, she left me to run downstairs. She saw her friend standing across the street waving to her. She went out the front door and ran across the street towards her friend. A car struck and killed her -- I was powerless to do anything. I watched in absolute grief as she took her last breath. The only thing I had left of her were her hand prints on my glass."

The window grew silent as a cold wind brushed across my body. After decades upon decades of time's passage, no one knew of Jeanette or of her dreams. No one would ever remember or even know such a day existed, except that window. It was far older than most things in this city, yet every window I passed would whisper to me. Every window wanted desperately to tell me its stories of days long past.

I found a park bench and sat down and just stared down the long, empty street. It was 2:30am. Tears were forming in the corner of my eyes. I felt an aspect of time and space that I had never encountered before. Multiple layers of time began to pile themselves on my consciousness. Thousands of windows across the city were crying out for me to come and listen to their tales.

As I sat to listen, my heart opened up and took inside the endless echoes and emotional depths of a thousand loves, a thousand stories. I felt the city begin to creep deeper into my own psyche as the countless windows joined in unison to explain a far more richer and expansive view of the world.

"Let me tell you about the beautiful love between a man named David and his girlfriend Lisa. Let me tell you how they met for the first time behind my view -- the kisses that would ring out louder as the depth of their love grew."

Then another wanted to tell me the story of a mother who was sick with cancer -- a beautiful woman who was surrounded by her entire family on February 18, 1931 when she finally passed away.

"The tears that fell from the eyes of her 4 year old son were minuscule compared to the heavy rains that fall on the other side of me, yet the power and depth of his young heart was more brilliant and warm than the rays of the morning sun."

Story after story filled my heart with such powerful emotions and feelings. I realized how narrow and small my own life experiences were compared to the greater whole of humanity. I began to understand that there was a layer of reality far more expansive and inclusive to all human experiences and interactions. Suddenly I could see patterns in the world that left me speechless and frozen.

Another window spoke ...

"Jeanette's window told you of her passion for the stars, I am the window of the man who killed her with his car -- and now hear my story of his life."

And so it began -- a complex web of human experiences wove themselves together into a great cosmic tapestry of precious moments within my heart and mind. I was unable to move as I fell to my knees while in the deep throes of an intense spiritual experience.

As it all slowly came to an apex of clarity, I reached out and, for the first time in my life, felt a compassion infinite in magnitude and infinite in diversity. It was a window deep within a lucid dream that, for a fleeting moment, gave me a glimpse of God.

The Great Infinite Regress

WARNING: VERY ROUGH DRAFT RAMBLING AHEAD.


In my opinion, life is a never-ending river of random experiences from which we can choose our own unique collection of life-altering moments. I've seen at the age of 30 just how amazingly quick life moves. In the blink of an eye, a quarter of this year has flown by. Before I have a chance to take it all in, I'll be standing as a groomsman in my best friend's wedding in early August. Life continues to accelerate at a more rapid pace towards its eventual conclusion.

Before that happens, I must do a few things. Travel as much of the world as possible and give back to humanity in as many ways as I possibly can. I still feel incredibly young and I'm in excellent health. The biggest difference between being in my 20's and now in my 30's is my outlook on society as a whole. In my 20's, I felt much more egocentric -- the world was all about me. The world is still all about me, but now I feel an overwhelming desire to help others. I just feel extremely passionate towards those who are modest and of lesser means.

I've always been a natural leader. Now I must use my better traits to help society and give back to others who once gave to me as a child.

There are a few things in my life that I am eternally grateful for. They are:

Mr. Leo, my nursery school teacher, reading me passages of the bible each morning and instilling upon me a solid sense of morality and ethics.

Mr. Kasuda, my seventh grade social studies teacher, for impressing upon me the fact that while the world is a very large place, the needs of all people can easily be summed up with a simplistic fortitude: love.

David Kizale, my best friend since 7'th grade, for showing me that true friendship isn't necessarily always one that involves being constant friends.

My father. When he had a heart attack, it shook the comfort of permanence out of my soul and showed me that life is constantly filled with never-ending change.

God. Although I am not religious, I am now profoundly sure of God's existence. Crossing over that bridge of faith was simultaneously the most difficult while also the most rewarding thing that I have ever done.

Stepping in Serendipity

Serendipity is simply the process of finding something by looking for something completely different. Serendipity is a lot of things. It is encountering love when filled with hatred, it is finding meaning when perusing randomness, it is discovering parts of your past using lessons from the future, etc.

What I know to be true in my heart is based upon my own life experiences -- which may not necessarily apply to another person's life. However, on a more fundamental level, I do believe that everyone in life is seeking the same thing. Those two primary things are happiness and love. They rest upon the top of a great pyramid of needs and desires but they are ultimately the final destination that we all strive to reach.

Love is a funny thing, because it is scattered in so many ways across our lives. We constantly step foot into love in hundreds and thousands of various ways. Love is all around us, ready to woo us with its charm and subtle methods.

I have learned, though, that I am afraid of love. The reason is that love seems so fragile yet so immensely powerful. There is a component of love that makes it one of the most risky endeavors we'll ever embark upon -- the element of chance. Perhaps that element is better defined as the permanence of love -- or a love that yields to the constant push of time. We don't choose to love, we choose to stop loving, right? Isn't that the expression?

Whereas I cannot anticipate the actions of another or the permanence of love, I do have the power within myself to give back to love with infinite abandon. Call it unconditional love or a love that never dies, but the ability to do whatever one wants with love is probably the most powerful thing within the universe. Rocks in space can't choose where they wish to go -- they're caught up in an orbit defined by very precise mathematics. Unfortunately, many people in life live as though they are caught in orbit around some greater body or thing. They spend their lives chasing after that which they know not. Most of the time it is a subconscious determination to reach an aspect of existence that they believe will provide them with some further grounding within their own lives.

I often ask of myself, "If I were to chase a dream and catch it, would living through it a hundred times diminish the initial appeal of that dream?" Well, to a more simplistic extent, the question should be rephrased into something more simple. "Are things just outside possibility necessarily impossible?"

In love, it is not the grape within our grasp that is the juiciest, nor is it the grape well outside our grasp -- but the most delicious grapes of all are the ones we can just barely touch with the tips of our fingers.

I've spent a lot of time and consideration trying to break down the components of the "perfect woman." The perfect person for anyone generally will retain some inverse reflection of that own person's greatest fears. In other words, a part of being in love with another person is finding some quality which they possess that offsets some internal quality that we mute or isolate due to fear.

One of the hardest things for me is articulating in words why some people seem so much more compatible than others -- why some people fill us with happiness and energy while others get completely on our last nerves.

This is a list I've made thus far about women:

Internal Characteristics:

Spirit: This is by far the hardest one for me to articulate. I believe that every person, to some extent or another, has a soul. I don't necessarily believe that every soul is unique, though. To me, the soul represents a source of vitality and animation for the person. It is that subjective trait that "breathes life" into the actions and animations of a person.

By far, I associate best with people who are filled with spirit. Nothing saddens me more than to see people who are afraid to embrace life with both hands and to dance around while swinging it. The very essence of existence fills us with unlimited possibilities. Those who embrace this and are animated internally with deep passions are the most attractive people I can think of -- inside and out. Those who are not afraid to dance in the street or kiss a stranger are amazing people. A part of spirit is realizing that a large portion of the world will hate you for expressing yourself. People will try and hold back these people because they're filled with life and not afraid to embrace emotions.

Idealism: I used to believe idealism was my greatest flaw, but I have since come to accept that idealism is one of my greatest attributes. To see this in another woman is beyond sexy -- it is super sexy -- ultra sexy -- mega HOT. "No, I won't accept that about the world -- I can make it a better place. I am more powerful than that!" Idealism is being able to smile at the world, even after acknowledging that it can be a terribly flawed place. Idealism is accepting that the world is not completely random because of God's gift to us in the entitlement of free-will (see spirit).

Compassion: Any woman who can look at another in pain or through suffering and have a strong desire to help is sexy. So many people only think of their needs in this world. It is so refreshing to see that there are those who break out of the system and stand over it ready to help others when needed. A part of compassion is the act of forgiving. If God is able to forgive us, why should we not be able to forgive others? It is a divine ability.

...

Here is a list that I read often to remind myself of the importance of living and growing:

1) Love as much as possible each day.
2) Forgive those who genuinely seek your forgiveness.
3) Do something positive every day.
4) Let go of jealousy and other negative emotions. They eat at the spirit.
5) Don't ever not do something from fear. In fact, learn to embrace it.
6) Respect those who are older and learn from them.
7) Be patient with those who are younger and teach them.
8) Educate yourself as much as possible.
9) Don't live in the past, but don't forget it, either.
10) You're more beautiful than you think, so don't live in vanity.
11) Embrace life until your last breath.
12) Show respect and consideration to others.


....

The 4 C's of a healthy relationship:

1) Communication
2) Consideration
3) Cooperation
4) Commitment


The greatest achievement in love is not falling in it, but keeping afloat after swimming in it for years.

Two Old Shoes (Poem)

Two Old Shoes

Since you have left,
two old shoes,
are all that I have,
to remind me,
of nights spent dancing,
and happy prancing,
among the city lights,
singing and kissing,
in blissful delight

Secrets (Poem)

Secrets

If I told you a secret
would you keep it
or spread it around
across the town

If I told you the good news
would you share it
or rest in silence
in greediness

If I left you two wishes
would you save one
while using the first
to bring us close

If I left you tomorrow
would you find me
from yesterdays
that we once shared

An Industry of Seduction (Poem)

An Industry of Seduction

Welcome to the industry of seduction,
filled with areas of sexual corruption,
designed by ranking leaders of obstruction,
delivered straight to your home with guile gumption.

We interrupt this broadcast to bring you static,
to free your mind from the chains of chromatic,
But first, a special word from our sponsor,
a leading expert on corporate democratics.

"Call our toll-free number within the next two minutes,
to order your slicer-dicer -- you just might win it!"

Break free from the system and leave the cubicle,
Take the corporate ladder and throw it on the ground,
While the new era approaches as we dance around,
and live as people released from our self-imposed chains,
because we were once too scared and kept refrained.

Dinner at 7:00pm

Dinner at 7:00pm

I met you there,
just in time,
a quarter to seven,
until half past nine.

dinner came fast,
right on time,
we ended up drinking,
a bottle of wine.

When the check came,
you bolted,
guess the experience,
is now on my dime.

What if love were something else?

What if love were something else?

If love were nothing more than a sound,
would soft whispers still make us go round,
or would such strong passions wish to dream,
and stretch itself through a thousand screams.

If love were nothing more than a touch,
would a couple kiss and hug as much,
or would the constant feelings fade away,
and force April into the depths of May.

If love were nothing more than a sight,
would two lovers of art take delight,
or would the colors crack and start to drip,
like ruby red and peach upon chapped lips.

If love were nothing more than a taste,
would sugar conquer a sour that wastes,
or would the flavors mate and form a litter,
and force sweet love into something bitter.

If love were nothing more than a smell,
would perfume freshen where the odors dwell,
or would they mix into a smelly mess,
that force two noses into deep distress.

If love were all these things and much more,
could two hearts keep open the heavy door,
that leads to a place where love never dies,
where two become a one that never lies.

Three Shades of Gray

Three Shades of Gray

They say the world isn't just black and white,
that there are actually three shades of light,
inbetween the absolute white and black,
that rests dimly between our fronts and backs.

These shades are comprised of right, wrong and both,
from a careful mixture these bring us growth,
A little of black, of white, and some gray
they tend to enlighten us from the fray

When your world is bright, blackness is ready,
to mix white into gray on the steady,
but when darkness is all that you can see,
white stands ready to help (for a small fee)

How far down the long winding road?

How far down the long winding road?

I traveled down a long winding road
while curious to where it would go
from many miles I grew suspicious
as I peered back at something precious

From the starry nights to sunny days
roaming left and right a thousand ways
I began to realize with sadness
a bittersweet and growing madness

This road that I had carefully paced
filled me slowly with a cold disgrace
though my travels stretched forever long
the road I walked had been chosen wrong

Through pain and pleasure and wicked storms
I turned around to return once more
to greet memories from the distant past
and end where I once began at last