The Great Infinite Regress

WARNING: VERY ROUGH DRAFT RAMBLING AHEAD.


In my opinion, life is a never-ending river of random experiences from which we can choose our own unique collection of life-altering moments. I've seen at the age of 30 just how amazingly quick life moves. In the blink of an eye, a quarter of this year has flown by. Before I have a chance to take it all in, I'll be standing as a groomsman in my best friend's wedding in early August. Life continues to accelerate at a more rapid pace towards its eventual conclusion.

Before that happens, I must do a few things. Travel as much of the world as possible and give back to humanity in as many ways as I possibly can. I still feel incredibly young and I'm in excellent health. The biggest difference between being in my 20's and now in my 30's is my outlook on society as a whole. In my 20's, I felt much more egocentric -- the world was all about me. The world is still all about me, but now I feel an overwhelming desire to help others. I just feel extremely passionate towards those who are modest and of lesser means.

I've always been a natural leader. Now I must use my better traits to help society and give back to others who once gave to me as a child.

There are a few things in my life that I am eternally grateful for. They are:

Mr. Leo, my nursery school teacher, reading me passages of the bible each morning and instilling upon me a solid sense of morality and ethics.

Mr. Kasuda, my seventh grade social studies teacher, for impressing upon me the fact that while the world is a very large place, the needs of all people can easily be summed up with a simplistic fortitude: love.

David Kizale, my best friend since 7'th grade, for showing me that true friendship isn't necessarily always one that involves being constant friends.

My father. When he had a heart attack, it shook the comfort of permanence out of my soul and showed me that life is constantly filled with never-ending change.

God. Although I am not religious, I am now profoundly sure of God's existence. Crossing over that bridge of faith was simultaneously the most difficult while also the most rewarding thing that I have ever done.

Stepping in Serendipity

Serendipity is simply the process of finding something by looking for something completely different. Serendipity is a lot of things. It is encountering love when filled with hatred, it is finding meaning when perusing randomness, it is discovering parts of your past using lessons from the future, etc.

What I know to be true in my heart is based upon my own life experiences -- which may not necessarily apply to another person's life. However, on a more fundamental level, I do believe that everyone in life is seeking the same thing. Those two primary things are happiness and love. They rest upon the top of a great pyramid of needs and desires but they are ultimately the final destination that we all strive to reach.

Love is a funny thing, because it is scattered in so many ways across our lives. We constantly step foot into love in hundreds and thousands of various ways. Love is all around us, ready to woo us with its charm and subtle methods.

I have learned, though, that I am afraid of love. The reason is that love seems so fragile yet so immensely powerful. There is a component of love that makes it one of the most risky endeavors we'll ever embark upon -- the element of chance. Perhaps that element is better defined as the permanence of love -- or a love that yields to the constant push of time. We don't choose to love, we choose to stop loving, right? Isn't that the expression?

Whereas I cannot anticipate the actions of another or the permanence of love, I do have the power within myself to give back to love with infinite abandon. Call it unconditional love or a love that never dies, but the ability to do whatever one wants with love is probably the most powerful thing within the universe. Rocks in space can't choose where they wish to go -- they're caught up in an orbit defined by very precise mathematics. Unfortunately, many people in life live as though they are caught in orbit around some greater body or thing. They spend their lives chasing after that which they know not. Most of the time it is a subconscious determination to reach an aspect of existence that they believe will provide them with some further grounding within their own lives.

I often ask of myself, "If I were to chase a dream and catch it, would living through it a hundred times diminish the initial appeal of that dream?" Well, to a more simplistic extent, the question should be rephrased into something more simple. "Are things just outside possibility necessarily impossible?"

In love, it is not the grape within our grasp that is the juiciest, nor is it the grape well outside our grasp -- but the most delicious grapes of all are the ones we can just barely touch with the tips of our fingers.

I've spent a lot of time and consideration trying to break down the components of the "perfect woman." The perfect person for anyone generally will retain some inverse reflection of that own person's greatest fears. In other words, a part of being in love with another person is finding some quality which they possess that offsets some internal quality that we mute or isolate due to fear.

One of the hardest things for me is articulating in words why some people seem so much more compatible than others -- why some people fill us with happiness and energy while others get completely on our last nerves.

This is a list I've made thus far about women:

Internal Characteristics:

Spirit: This is by far the hardest one for me to articulate. I believe that every person, to some extent or another, has a soul. I don't necessarily believe that every soul is unique, though. To me, the soul represents a source of vitality and animation for the person. It is that subjective trait that "breathes life" into the actions and animations of a person.

By far, I associate best with people who are filled with spirit. Nothing saddens me more than to see people who are afraid to embrace life with both hands and to dance around while swinging it. The very essence of existence fills us with unlimited possibilities. Those who embrace this and are animated internally with deep passions are the most attractive people I can think of -- inside and out. Those who are not afraid to dance in the street or kiss a stranger are amazing people. A part of spirit is realizing that a large portion of the world will hate you for expressing yourself. People will try and hold back these people because they're filled with life and not afraid to embrace emotions.

Idealism: I used to believe idealism was my greatest flaw, but I have since come to accept that idealism is one of my greatest attributes. To see this in another woman is beyond sexy -- it is super sexy -- ultra sexy -- mega HOT. "No, I won't accept that about the world -- I can make it a better place. I am more powerful than that!" Idealism is being able to smile at the world, even after acknowledging that it can be a terribly flawed place. Idealism is accepting that the world is not completely random because of God's gift to us in the entitlement of free-will (see spirit).

Compassion: Any woman who can look at another in pain or through suffering and have a strong desire to help is sexy. So many people only think of their needs in this world. It is so refreshing to see that there are those who break out of the system and stand over it ready to help others when needed. A part of compassion is the act of forgiving. If God is able to forgive us, why should we not be able to forgive others? It is a divine ability.

...

Here is a list that I read often to remind myself of the importance of living and growing:

1) Love as much as possible each day.
2) Forgive those who genuinely seek your forgiveness.
3) Do something positive every day.
4) Let go of jealousy and other negative emotions. They eat at the spirit.
5) Don't ever not do something from fear. In fact, learn to embrace it.
6) Respect those who are older and learn from them.
7) Be patient with those who are younger and teach them.
8) Educate yourself as much as possible.
9) Don't live in the past, but don't forget it, either.
10) You're more beautiful than you think, so don't live in vanity.
11) Embrace life until your last breath.
12) Show respect and consideration to others.


....

The 4 C's of a healthy relationship:

1) Communication
2) Consideration
3) Cooperation
4) Commitment


The greatest achievement in love is not falling in it, but keeping afloat after swimming in it for years.