"Get OFF the Parking Meter!"

My life has recently taken a turn for the more chaotic. I now officially go out basically every night and know way too many people by name. I know homeless people on a first name basis because I've stumbled out and sat next to them to chit-chat while trying to sober up.

Last night was no exception to the increase in craziness. One of my favorite bartenders named Kim got me a few rounds of Vodka. This was on top of everything else I had been drinking since 3pm. Who goes out to start drinking at 3pm on a Saturday unless they're going to a baseball or football game?

By the time the end of the night rolled by, one of the girl's I was with had a run in with one of her ex-boyfriends. It was nasty, so I left the bar and decided to check my car. I noticed I had a ticket on it because the parking meter was totally screwed up. For once, I actually paid attention to the times and put the right amount of money in the meter, but the city still fucked me. I got upset and jumped on top of the meter while shaking it.

I heard over a bullhorn, "GET OFF THE PARKING METER!" It was an Annapolis City cop -- shit. Well, I wasn't about to stop then, so I started slapping the meter while screaming, "WHO'S YOUR DADDY, WHOOOOOOO'S YOUR DADDY!" The cop then said, "GET *****OFF****** OF THE PARKING METER!" I climbed down and started walking down the street. I knew I wasn't about to drive anywhere now because the cop knew who I was.

The cop got out and asked me why I was smacking the parking meter. I recognized the cop vaguely. "I got screwed by a broken parking meter and I was just taking out my anger." He told me I could explain it to the judge. Who goes to court for a parking ticket? Yeah, right. The cop was cool and didn't arrest me for sexually assaulting a parking meter. Had the cop not been there, that parking meter would have gotten it good.

Just another night in nap town.