Something Greater than Just "This"

I am a firm believer that life is more than just a fluke of physics that conveniently allowed for our existance yet mistakenly neglected a higher purpose for it. I do believe in a god and I do believe in the importance and value of love. In fact, I believe in these two things so much that I can "feel" it deep within the core of my being.

Lately, I have had a lot of dreams that have proven to be immensely valuable. A few days ago, I had a dream where I was facing a dark dirty door in a pitch black area. At the top of the door was an area that a "being" touched. This area suddenly grew into a brilliant shade of light similar to an emerald green orb. Suddenly we were thrown high into the sky where another orb of emerald green light was present. When the being touched this orb, a string of magnificent green light connected the two orbs.

At this point, I realized what it was. It was a string that I could follow down into a mine. It was a string that would lead me down to the miners that were trapped. I grabbed hold of this brightly glowing green string and felt myself penetrating the earth. I went deep inside the Earth but found nothing. I was greatly depressed for some reason, because I knew in my heart that the miners were dead (at least in my dream).

When I woke up the next morning, the first article I saw on CNN.com's main page was this:

http://www.cnn.com/2007/US/08/09/sanchez.trapped/index.html

The title of the article was "Frustrated family of miner clings to 'one string of hope'." At first, I felt an immense shocked. I wanted to cry, because in some way, God had given me such an immensely emotional dream and then gave me something to confirm (at least to me) that this dream was very symbolic. That brightly colored green string in my dream was the "string of hope" in the article. I realized at that moment that I was given a very unique gift from God. I knew in my heart that the miners were dead, but that they were now with God.

In fact, my entire life has been filled with things like this that I could not explain or even bother telling other people. Most people would assume I was making these things up or, worse still, experiencing psychotic episodes. I have experienced out-of-body sensations for a long time but I've only told my closest friends about them. Most people would assume I was crazy for having these experiences.

I have had other close encounters that have left me face to face with God. I experienced a bit of a drug overdose once that left me in a room that turned mostly grey. I felt my body beginning to shut down but I also felt an overwhelming sense of compassion, love and understanding. I also felt a strong sense of dissappointment on a subconscious level. I remember laying on the floor and having my entire room turn inside out until all I saw what was a very soft and warm light. It was mostly grey, but I remember the distinct feeling of being embraced by love and understanding. I had made a mistake and this being (God?) was projecting a strong sense of dissappointment that was tempered with an infinite amount of love.

There are times when I wish I didn't know these things. I wish I hadn't taken such strong drugs in my past that showed me a vast area of reality outside of what most people understand as everyday reality. I wish I hadn't met God on such a personal level because then I wouldn't feel such an immense amount of responsibility. I can't take things like money, power or fame seriously anymore. The only thing I can take seriously is the importance of love and showing compassion towards others. In the end, it is the only thing worth giving to others.

Sadly, most people on Earth don't understand this. Perhaps it isn't sad, though -- because they aren't faced with such a huge burden. What burden is that? Well, every time I read the news about a killing or a suicide bombing, I feel it. I feel the weight of the world on my soul -- I feel the dissappointment as man falls from the grace of God. I feel overwhelming sorrow at a world filled with such ignorance and evil. In essence, not only do I feel the need to repent for my own transgressions and sins, but I feel the need to repent for those of all humanity. I can feel God's sorrow every time someone kills another or hurts someone else.

There are times when I just can't take the overwhelming amount of emotions and I just want to shut down or escape it all. Yet, I only see a minor fraction of what God can see -- and that must be so painful for God to witness. I wish humanity, on a whole, could rise above greed and ignorance and realize the importance of expressing love towards others.

I go to work every day because I have to make money to survive. Yet, all the money in the world doesn't come close to the feeling of giving someone else unexpected love and showing them that, despite being mere animals, we possess the ability to rise above our physical limitations and embrace the most important aspects of life and living.

Every day I have to struggle with the knowledge that there is so much more than what we see and understand while also accepting that I will always live in a world where most people are incapable of seeing past the physical aspects of humanity.