Saint Valentine's Day Givith what Love already Takith Away

Oh what a great day -- February 14. It is a day when young and old lovers alike can relish in spending time together while cuddling, opening up candy boxes to feed each other chocolate, going to nice downtown restaurants to share a $100 bottle of wine and a delicious ....

Woah , wait a minute -- I'm single! The only thing I'll be opening is the weekly sales journal at work while getting ample loving from my boss. Yes, the kind of love that only screaming, "get twice the work done in half the time or you're fired!" can convey. After a long day at the office, I won't come home to a hot, naked and horny woman ready to rip off my clothes while candles drip wax and Sade softly plays on the stereo -- no, I'll come home to NO ONE.

You may be thinking that I sound disgruntled towards the holiday. Not at all! I've resolved myself to enjoy Valentine's Day more so than I ever have in the past! I don't have to worry about getting a $4.00 card with cute pictures of red things and purchasing a dozen roses that would end up dead before the week's end anyway -- all to prove my love to someone? That's bullshit! If I really loved someone, I'd make them feel like that EVERY day. How many guys are going to go back to being unthoughtful, ball-scratching assholes on February 15?

No, Valentine's Day is going to be AWESOME tomorrow. I'm going to go out, drink with my friends and spend the entire night walking up to single women and telling them how beautiful they are. I'm going to spread warmth, love and happiness throughout the room and steal kisses on unsuspecting girl's cheeks because if there is ever a day to get away with it, tomorrow is that day!

Damn, it feels GREAT to be single! I have the whole world on my plate and I can do ANYTHING I want without some nagging bitch complaining about where our relationship is headed. I can kiss anyone I want, anywhere I want and do it with intense passion and deep love -- not love for relationships, but to celebrate the best attributes of love in general. Hell, I'll even drive all the way up to Baltimore and kiss my mom and give her the dozen roses! She's the only female that has been in my life since day #1, so why not show her how much I love her for that?

I'm so excited about tomorrow! At first I was a little melancholy about being single -- until I realized that being single has so many benefits. My goal is to kiss ten women tomorrow night -- no phone numbers, no fucking, no long-term bullshit. I'm going to make ten single women feel on top of the world and show that cupid that the best love is free love!

And for all the guys out there who will be celebrating with their girlfriend of X years -- hey, more power to you! Sorry your night will cost $200 and mine will cost $50!

I LOVE VALENTINE'S DAY! I LOVE BEING SINGLE! I LOVE WOMEN! I LOVE ME!

I LOVE IT ALL!